A Tear

Look in to my eyes and you may see Hazel. But the day on which my Guardian

Angel see me fall, See me Struggle with life. Knowing that she can’t lift and remove the weights off my shoulders. She turns her head. She can’t watch, watch the sight that she doesn’t desire to see. The moments she know I have to go thru. The events that mold/cast me and shape me which sometimes are the things to which I need to develop. Can u sit there force to watch a show of a person getting thrashed; punch in the face by life’s blows. Great deal of depression overtaken I am, It floods deep within, but every inch makes me whole. Feels like my life has been stamped void in red. A gift once bestowed. Cheated, that’s what I feel. Honor and pride now bereaved love for me so misconceived, Ripped from my inner depths, impeding, Mind, body and spirit, bleeding Now my inter-self crushed to sand, To fine to even be clutch by hand. I freeze within the fire. Daylight now lives at darkness. Transparent dreams over take my mind. She has no choice. She can’t get in the way. It’s not her place. She watches me helpless. She does have faith but her heart ache to watch. There’s a point where I’m laid out on the ground asking for help. Reaching out for a hand. Not knowing that she is my face, wanting to help me but cant. I call all names hoping someone will come to my rescue. Calls go un-answered. I’m over looked. She’s hurt. Hurt….. it breaks her spirits. Her eyes Gray they are, blinks.

A tear falls never hitting ground. A tear pure with no evil. Trapped in flight. She can’t apologize for what I’m going thru can’t help me. It’s a lesson to make me a better person. There are no “ I’m sorries” At a low point, alone. But she’s never too far from me. She walks when she can fly. But why? Why not soar, flutter, take flight? Just take strides, stroll? She feels no reason to use her wings when she couldn’t use them to shield me. Safeguard, protect me from the horrific corrupt moments my life/existence seem to hand me with welcoming forthcoming arms. She wants to give me her all, she wants to embrace me, organize and manage my life. She wishes she could keep away my lonelys and life’s troubles. But knows that if she did I would not grow & mature. Deep in, in this hole, prison. Holy Hell. Darkness are my walls. I shout, I scream. I know there’s no1 there. But it’s instinct. I want to Climb the walls of insanity, Ride the waves of despair but just can’t. She’s in the background watching a painful freedom in Sean’s solitary confinement . All of my joy, love happiness lock away. Out of my reach & contact. This cell with rules for me to adhere too. I wish I could hide my pain, carry on. A factory with an assembly line turning out shells 24/7 for eternity. These shells to be fill with hurt, harm, wounded happiness, sore wrecked hearts, ruined wishes, dispirited hope, a life with an “Out-of-Order” sign hanging. How can I forget your occasional rare blissful pleasures. So I do. I compress it. I shape it, I manipulate it into the only thing I know how. A tear. It runs but it fades out like a ghost in the shadows. Her’s do too. No longer existing. A Tear