Sand

Sand

So I guess Sean should just forgive? Picture perfect movie. A typical Disney ending to my humanity? This note should really have a lot of fuck yous and crap like that but I prefer to make blows to the body. You had sufficient time in my life and my mind. The song that was on repeat, this song the will never end has finally had its last run. I saw and watch u play in the sand box. But its now time to go home, the sun is going down and the moon is now coming up. The door is open and always was. Ill be the bigger person. Yea for a minute I was eating out of ur hand and rapped around ur finger but the doctor told me that all that fast food was bad for the heart. So before the cartoonist paints X’s over my eyes I’m going to end this show like the Season finally of “All that” on nick. I’m done chewing this everlasting gum with no favor. A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. Undoing my Fear of Change. Roses never last eternally, so that’s why the next person will get counterfeit 1s. So I rest here with my finger on the reset button, and black & white memories flash thru my head but even the cheerful 1s are not good enough. I understand there are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. My Sadness flew away on the wings of time. Yea Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion. So I walk out before this movie is over. I saw the plot. The walls I build around me to keep out the sadness also kept out the joy. So I take them down. Brick by brick and make a path, still some left over so I make a bridge over you. A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death. Sean will make the most of what comes and the least of what goes. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. So I made a new rule: If you're going to make me cry, at least be there to wipe away the tears. I don't miss you; I miss who I thought who you were. However after long the nights, the dawn will break. Just another lesson that life teaches. So give me this test again and see if I pass this time. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness. But like others I too am still growing my feathers. But I know 1 day I will fly. I needed this Emotional Overflow And Cleansing. Ill let you live with the addiction 2 a lost mate. And you can have all of the withdrawal symptoms from what you did/ doing. Your “Butterfly Effect”. I tell myself “Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” I wonder, when you look into my eyes and watch my heart shatter, does it break your heart too, even crack it a little modest bit? I stop typing with this as the last Quote. They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

Sand

The Realization of a DREAM: weekend April 18-20

Come in my door is open, here have a seat. Beautiful you are.
It’s the truth. Wait hold up, look into my eyes. Can you see truth in my soul thru the window of my heart? Yes, my eyes. Glossy I know, it’s only my heart speaking. Yeah I care for you. Why wouldn’t I. You hear me calling you right? I have feelings for you. How come you can’t see it? Chewing me like the original flavor of bubblicious bubble gum. Yea you did shake hands with my heart and soul, Feelings and emotions that you could only bring out. I dunno how it was done. These familiar feelings come back like a great past. Kinda like the last time you had Chili fries. My nirvana interacting with your desire and life. Pure as eternal sand running thru the glass crave, a pit, to only be in a sand clock running in orbit over my heart. Kinda sweet joy. More so like playful gestures. Making my tears dry. Dry on my cheek. You sold me candy. Ya I like to called them your looks. Eye candy or iKandy and soul lustful food. Stop blushing look at me, my eyes please... I want my emotions to fly. Soar thru inner and outer space, galaxies, only my friends I trust with my life. This pink flower. A rose that blossom into the beautiful cities in my world. Like your magic kingdoms and stuff. I sat with you at the king’s dinner, the round table. I got you from a lucky frog that I kissed. From that point you stole all of my life kisses from my memories and made them your own. I love this part about you. Your sense and being able to make me smile. You laugh with me. Do u see? Stop cheesing so hard. Yea it’s the truth. Yea I believe you. The feelings of finding your very own unicorn. Life gave my heart a speeding ticket . But your soul just so happen to have a dozen of Krispy Kream glazed doughnuts. You were able to change a part of my world. Dim but was able to show my light and life. dim the light which shines within moments I was having. Thanks! It was like Pepto-Bismol 4 the heart, yea I had heartburn. I did. Birthday cake and cookie dough ice cream that I had craving for. Just a normal life, life of a college student. Showing me the finer things. Like a boy riding a dolphin. Holding on cause he was headed straight under water. To the bottom of the tank. Scared. How could I have not been. Extravanganza of emotions. Questions to ask. Seeking answers. My soul saying Sweet Goodbyes. Learning to Manifest in Your Desires. Showing me Alvin and the Chipmunks and making me fall in love as a child. Now tell me you don’t remember that. Disney World if you didn’t know. But it’s fine. That’s the truth. I’m being Honest with you. I can’t leave these feeling unanswered any longer. But you not that last girl who fucked up. She did, badly and it hurt for a long time. I Wasted so many tears. I took a break from the sky. It fault like an Elephant In The Sand. Ya that sucked. Dynasty Beautiful Ballads & Love Songs. My heart sung. Trying to call for help. She cut me and I was bleeding love. Before I Self Destruct there was a letter that I wrote. Kinda like that As seen on As TV , teen movie bout college students doing what u dreamed and wanted deep down to do. Like mad Yo! I know you feeling me from that smile u have on. I didn’t want a broken heart cause ill lose all my pieces. And she gave me a paper cut. On my ring finger. But I put my mom name over it. You show me new questions. Where’s my heaven, how to I get there, where’s my sunshine, I want to see. What’s the meaning of life? I told you that I have a need for batteries cause I don’t wanna die hard. She made me remember my homeroom crush. Unlike you she played me like she was a cheating ass girl in a game of monopoly. It was like Dirt behind my ear however this oral history, this story of what she did. I hate but you turned Your Cab light on, and show me how to made my own perfume, Learning to Manifest in Your Desires. U turned me into an ubiquitous person. An intuitionist. All I could say to myself was “God all mighty gots too be more careful.” But we are now running holding hands and it feels so right. Pulling me into your life, this never never land of love. I don’t want to leave.

I like it here. You showed me that They Can’t Fuck With Me, Cuz I Can’t Fuck With My Damn Self, And it’s the truth. For that other chick, the 1 that fucked up, I was not that guy your mom warned you about, her imagination was never this dam good. Oh well u missed out. I’ll be the next girls’ man anyway and that’s ways happening as we speak. But I thank you, for u showed me what it’s like. U gave me the feelings and emotions I feel right now. I’m drunk off of u and I don’t plan to sober up from it. So for us there’s no need to walk we just skate away. Now with that said, do u understand now? o wonder wat will i write if u let me share ur inter space.

And Then There Was Me

I sit back and wonder. I ponder. I wish. Now looking back on my map seeing all of the road blocks, construction, detours, do not enters and wrong way signs, merge, 1way streets, ice, subject to flooding, low clearance, accidence ahead. But I also see where I when off road without a gps. I took a lot of bad weather along with many long roads without ever seeing the short cut signs. I now will think of my life in acoustic. Find answers thru my past. You just will never know how good you got it until it’s gone. I look back to understand. I embrace me knowledge. My insecurity controls me. I allow it to take my sense and maturity hostage. Sometimes everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together or in place. Ignorance is never cute. Sometimes that autophobia kicks in but I try to just let it be. But after all, I spend most of my time alone anyway. I look within when I’m solitude and live in my compassion/heart. There I see life and its beauty. Never touching it cause it’s too fragile and will rub off. However I search deeper. Frustration builds and over takes my dreams. Nothing ever goes my way. Sure didn’t in 1995 and not going in 2043. I watch films and footage of me. Movies, some funny as hell others sad. I want to comprehend but it’s a lot to take in. I know life isn’t perfect, only those days when I lived in dreams of that sugar and spice with everything nice. But I wish that I saw some of the opportunities that where in front me. I have come down from the land of make-believe, and I have found the strength to believe in me. Right now I’m on the brink of falling over the edge. Trying not to take a step too far, being cautious, right now I’m walking on the ledge. Blind folded at that. Where is my pot at the end of the rainbow? I watched the world through a blacked-out window, and saw no sun. I see others happy wishing I was them. But I try to treasure what I have and feelings I didn’t get. I try and balance my bowl spinning on a 20 foot pole. But I guess like snakes I must shed my scales and skin. So I do. I End my innocence due to life and people in it. I force my soul into a life or death match. I watch but I am looking in a mirror, but all I can see is me, trying to be what I want to be instead of what I really am.

Diary of a Sex Fiend Released.....S.F.R! "A picture well painted"

on this vaction to Hawaii. The sunsets after a romance dinner for 2 at a moon lite restaurant on the sand over lookin the ocean and whale watching shores. she was my girl at the time and so far was doin her job as a girlfriend and goin beyond. So i made my mind & gave her another side of me.a side i always wanted to show a girl but no1 passed the test to get the reward. We share a long kiss for what felt like a lifetime. Walk in the room with her in font of me ass in my lap talking dreams in her ear. But only I knew they were going to come true. i made my mind up about 3 months ago. Yea it’s a strong feelin between us so I make the steps in the direction of sex. I read all her hints. They were small but there. Guess I’m wise with this 20 over my belt. age that is. So I put my feeling aside and raise the bar in the relationship. So I plan to leave her speechless. Eyes open, must I see? Truth is now . . . this reality. - my shadow, my touch, my every secret; into words spoken as prayer, into words cried in breaths of consummation. She’s faced with me, our eyes, reflecting pools of love, lock on me and her. Embracing, both, with body and soul, we melt together in the steamy atmosphere. Memories flood as her neck arches and wet kisses cover her throat. Teasing one another in the aquamarine Hawaiian ocean cascade. Causing rough ripples to fan out across the water of a swimming pool as we played. Discovering new things as a soft summer rain, like the sound of a tinkling xylophone, soaked them. Aromas of spices, colognes (my Sean john unforgiveable) and faintly, the sea drift and swirl around us.Glad the room was footsteps from the ocean. Skin drenched rivulets of salty sweat stream between us. Sauna heat builds as temperatures rise. Flesh moves with synchronized, frantic fluidity. a torrential river violently rushes into a cascading waterfall. Drowning in a frenzied whirlpool, gasping for air, silent screams. Then the peace of a tranquil, crystal clear lake prevails and the relaxation of a hot spraying shower returns. I love it. What more could u want or need. Just the best. Only purples kisses on her body. At least that’s what her mind was telling her. on to start with cause i had other plans. Hot and wet I rediscover, the magic of my secret lover, Work day's problems in the past, Oh! How long can this pleasure last? Nipples erect ... mind soaring high, Hand lingering around her inner thigh, Inhibitions erased by liquid heat, Passion aroused ... lust almost replete. The moment's lost ... there goes the phone, Reality returns ... I'm all alone, I grab a towel and run to answer, Co-ordination of a drunken dancer, Circumstances quickly change, Priorities are re-arranged, So now I eagerly await the hour. So I get her in the room. Waiting on me I know, it was purposely done. Lookin at me as I come out the bathroom from a hot shower. Steam fulls the room. So I kissed her neck. Her body froze like I trazed her desires. She jumps on me like a female black widow spider on its mate. I carry her to the bed the whole time kiss her deep. Touch of skin soft and slippery, with the hint of hint of sweat. We fought our resistance beneath the cool sheets, As the wind flowed from the window above us. Eyes met briefly and begged for the chance, To abandon all of our uncertainties. she began to work on my lips, Probing gently as if drawing sex, From a deep well of longing and need. Then heated tongues met in the midst, Of hot and quickening breath. And greedily we drank the wine of our lusts. Then intoxicated with those spirits, Our clothes found resting place on the floor. Piece by piece, Until there were no hiding places, For the two glistening and wanting bodies.i wanted her but i took my time. Gots to make it last forever. Hunger revealed in this hot moment. Then skin meshed with skin, As the floor became the stage. me moved atop of me easily, And lowered yourself gently. Kissing me as I was filled with you. As a gasp broke the kiss, her hands stroked the stray strands, Away from my forehead, then became entangled. Our slow rhythm gave way, To urgent and demanding thrusts of passion, As I arched my body for her comfort, And she threw me into ecstasy, With the strength of her blows. I left her screaming and soaked, In oblivion again and again, As she growled my name from the back of her throat, And our bodies both demanded more, Each giving to the other, High on the fluids of foreign substance. I grasped, then released her, Grasped then released you, In effort to relieve her of control. The taste of her skin between my lips, Was like no other. To hear her cry of mercy, When my teeth met your warm skin, Was more breathtaking than you knew. Yet I still released the control to you. As she wound her hands in my hair, And pulled until the flesh on my neck was taut, she moved with one final and breaking blow, Forcing our way to the peaks of bliss, Leaving our screams to echo on like battle cries.. The sweet taste of love Still lingers in my mind A succulent tasty morsel A treasure worth its find A wet and juicy fruit That fills my mouth with joy Like candy to a baby An edible sexy toy With nectar sweet as honey A syrup of flowing silk Like a bubbly kind of lava As smooth as warm clear milk It breathes with scented oils Like a flower in the mist And blossoms when caressed By the feel of a lover's kiss A dessert at its very best. When embraced with lots of love I know I'll never get enough Of this treat I'm thinking of I ask if I may kiss you. she just smiles; no answer is necessary. My initial kiss is just a flirting of our lips. My tongue lightly flicking - Like I am asking, "Do you want me?" the tip of my tongue runs all around your lips. Touching every part, Inside and out - Over and over again. Tickling her, tickle, tickle, goes my tongue. Now I press my lips gently to hers. Rubbing her lips back and forth against mine. My kisses are hot and fast. I cannot rest long in any one place. I have such a need to go on. I trail kisses of passion all over your face. Then back to her mouth. Our tongues dance together. We are exploring. I circle your tongue with the tip of mine. You echo the pattern back to me. I lick the sides, underside and the top. You echo back. I suck your lower lip. You echo back. We repeat, repeat, repeat. The sensations are driving our emotions. We are wild for each other. You thrust your tongue in and out. The movements are rhythmic and stabbing. Simulating our love making during mating. I ask again, do you want me? I can tell that you do. No words are necessary. Pink orchid of love fragrant flower so rare of desire's full bloom nestled in that glade below your mossy rise my tongue, a hummingbird hungry for passions nectar hovering above you, wanting to drink so deep, and long till my thirst is quenched my hungry heart is filled but for a short blissful time. then hungry again, takes wing to drink deeply of you again sweet pink orchid of desire. so i give her deep chocolate kisses. Deep coco covered kisses in the bath hungry heart and mouth ready to begin again comfort food for the soul, sex and chocolate writing love poems on your hot flushed skin mouth warmed chocolate rolls upon the tongue songs from my heart written on sandy shore freed to dance, swept up in a primal tidal flow deep chocolate covered kisses in the bath I smile at her, lick her clean and beg for more burning bright, I whisper and croon the words sweet songs My heart wrote for her ear alone hungry heart and mouth ready to begin again freed to dance, swept up in a primal tidal flow sex and chocolate, comfort food for the soul Dance soft - circles across my tongue, around, across, awakening and arousing whispers auctioned in the throes of passions; drink until my appetite is laid bare for a moment or two. Hot summer nights, wild, wild lovin windows open to the hot night air night ocean breeze teases our sweaty skin we writhe and cry out crazy words shouting moaning the bed's squeaking The headboard's banging, loud and steady like a big bass drummer keeping time until even we can't take noise any longer, stuffing pillows between the bed and the wall to muffle the sound of our frenzied desire I hear loud knocking upon the door open up! Open up! This is the police! Is someone in there being kilt? Open up or we will break down this door! guess next door said someone’s being injured stumbling naked, my robe forgotten Smiling sheepishly I let them in as they look me over and shake their heads she smiles and wave from beneath the sheets they stammer apologies, then quickly leave us I lock the door, and return to her side we laugh like kids and wriggle together where were we, before being interrupted? I think I remember, but refresh my mind give me some help with this, lets start again Hot summer nights, wild, wild lovin windows open to the hot night air night ocean breeze teases our sweaty skin we writhe and cry out crazy words shouting moaning the bed's squeaking In eyes, - my prison, visions of sweetness, of sweat, of lust; promisings of ecstasy’s sin to flower upon my decadent hunger. I welcomed the weight of her to crush me, As she collapsed on top of me, Still hot and burning, And I glowing like an ember, Casting a welcome light, Should you seek my gifts again. Then she made my Dr. Suess side show. Quiet, Sex Is seldom heard Loud, Sex Is enjoyed by all Mission for a missionary Missionary quite contrary How does your garden grow A sixty niner is always finer Come on lets go, dont be slow Diggy doggy, bend over And i'll do you, real slow, no really slow We both stand up you pretend Youre looking over my shoulder For a four leaf clover We both pretend that we dont know We sit up and face each other We'll just sit till the cows come home I'll lie on my back, she pretends at the track she saddles me like you would a colt Ill just lie there try not to bolt Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. Still it rushes through me, in every pore, through every cell. What is this . . . what feeling is this? I cannot tell, what secrets unveil capabilities unknown to limits. This absolute emmersion blankets my every conscious thought. Drawing you closer, bringing you here. So close to me I dare not say - still not within my sight. I feel her breath, heat penetrating my skin like a hard summer rain. I feel her face, her eyes, trace her mouth with my fingers. She give me breath so close to your mouth, still we do not touch. Smoldering fantasies ignite burning, lust and longing. Desire tempts me. "Move closer . . . " she whispers, "closer, closer. " A paradox? Closer to her, like the finest lace - our bodies occupy exactly the same space. Deeper you come! Taking you in - surrounding me and filling me up- and down- push, shove CRASH! Languidly parting the moist curtain. So I slide into her smooth vessel. The color of fire pink velvet. his large hands securely wielding the creamy white handles, firmly manipulating them until just a trickle of foamy liquid flows forth. A touch, soft and tender. A whisper, full of desire A gasp of sweet surrender As passion fuels the fire No words spoken between them No promises to be kept No lies being told tonight No looking back - no regrets Longing to hold each other Such precious little time Both vowed to another Being lonely their only crime Tomorrow bringing sorrow A brief moment of shame With the memory of this one night A release from passion's flames. For longer than a taste - or two, I will linger; Lips against lips, softly against soft. I will linger.......

French Kisses Of Sapphire-berries Happiness

One can go there entire life in search of happiness to never if it. Simply to died and then live in happiness. Many don’t understand that you must first be able to make ur self happy before another person can. Make sense? Some days I wanna vary/change and wish I could be someone else. Love like no other person and be a person that she would want me to be but that would make her happy. Not me. I want my goods to out weight my bads. Must love myself more than others think they can. More than a mother will love their only child. I walk around defeated to only walk in circles searching for happiness to only be blinded. Sometimes my days are more problematical than others but it’s the best once found. But permanent/everlasting happiness is the key. Is there a such thing? What is the answer, where’s the holy grail of happiness, shit is there 1? Drinking, smoking, eating, sleeping, having sex, going out may work for some people but it’s only a temporary feel of good. Just for the moment. Not what I’m looking for. I don’t wanna crash or collapse again. Don’t wanna be wreck less. Gonna take control of my life and ride it to the wheels fall off and then buy new set. I guess there’s a point that every1 get to, kinda like a stand still. Not really a fork in the road but more like a stall out in life. A point where it seems like life starts to mirror and duplicate itself. I stray/drift and wonder. I call for more then what’s inside, but life it’s just that life. And like normally it gets rub in ur face seeing others who have what you want. I’m not sure but I feel that a person should not live their life just looking for happiness, cause u just may died unhappy. I also don’t want to give in. I guess a break from my exploration is what’s needed, sometimes. But it’s a fear that keeps a person wondering bout his or her happiness. I want to observe stars and sit back and I wish I was one of them. My own lil cluster. Just cause u see a person everyday and they have a smile on doesn’t mean that they are truly happy. People wear smiles but u know when a person has a genuine smile. U can judge a book all dam day but it’s when u open it and read/flip thru some pages that’s when u find out what lies beneath. I have a big smile shown to all of my friends but to others they may see a small smirk/ or me walkin with my head down(in humble) not lookin into many eyes. I have my days just like others but sometimes I have more bad then good. I do every once and a while stop and stand still and watch the world turn without me. Sometimes I race and finish my year before earth. But at the end of the day where is this happiness. I’m looking for something but have no idea of what it looks, smell, taste, sounds like. I’m not one who gives up. I do smile while typing this note cause I look forward to that day. The day when I please myself. Me….Sean can only make Sean happy. Not a girl nor new pair of Jordan’s. Not a car or house. And dam sure not money. If u know me then u know that my last dollar is yours if u need it. But my struggles and trials are mine and only Sean’s. That’s where I’m egocentric and selfish. Ever wonder if u walked past happiness or didn’t give it chance? I know I’m not the only person out there who’s not happy. But I am happy in my dreams so I guess making more of them come true will in turn make me happy. But it’s just a theory. Sunsets & moonrises, cows jump gates and rooster sleep so I go cow tipping and chase birds that can’t fly. Some days will be brighter than baby’s smiles but other can be grayer that hairs on an ole woman head. But I know the sun will come tomorrow. It may be next week or year but nothing lives in dark ice ages forever. I may have a drought every now and then but I will never have a dessert. It may take you to the end of the world/ too new worlds but I will find mine, will you find ours? ur Happiness...

Bitchassness (n) Word of 2008

It had to be done....lolz. Im Sean and only Sean would write this. (I see the word being thrown around like a hoe from 79th street)

• Bitchassness(plural bitchassnesses)


• Pronunciation - bĭch-äss-nɛs (n)

Definition # 1- A sickness one suffers from; sudden or unexpected act of bitchin about the smallest things and for no apparent reason


Sean's Definition

A terrible; terrible new found disease spreading through our community as we speak. The Disease was founded by & term coined by Sean(not me) "Diddy" on Making the Band(4).

hateration. To be/act like a bitch or a coward about a situation. Overall STANK actions towards others through words, facial expressions, and/or song. Now when you have Bitchassness at its purest form the person can now me called a “ Fuck Nigga"

Symptoms Include & follows

1. Acting/thinking your better than those around you, not speaking your true feelings, throwing large amounts of shade.


2. Punkish tendencies(Being a str8 pussy)


3. Cattiness, such as talking behind someone's back


4. Thinking highly of yourself, but only expressing it under your breath


5. Claiming "hurt feelings" when you are called out on your bullshit


6. Whining or throwing little pussy fits


7. Having your feelings hurt to easy


8. Of course A HATER(Hata)


9. Overall hatin


10. Thinking your better than someone else


11. Talking behind someone's back


12. Not taking care of your responsibility


13. Acting "Salty"


14. Stating you were about to do something when you know you weren't


15. Getting called out on your bullshit and taking a bitchlike approach


16. Throwing shade because you can't do something


17. Crying like a bitch about simple shit


18. The act of being a bitch, unable to pull your skirt up and handle your shit

A Tear

Look in to my eyes and you may see Hazel. But the day on which my Guardian

Angel see me fall, See me Struggle with life. Knowing that she can’t lift and remove the weights off my shoulders. She turns her head. She can’t watch, watch the sight that she doesn’t desire to see. The moments she know I have to go thru. The events that mold/cast me and shape me which sometimes are the things to which I need to develop. Can u sit there force to watch a show of a person getting thrashed; punch in the face by life’s blows. Great deal of depression overtaken I am, It floods deep within, but every inch makes me whole. Feels like my life has been stamped void in red. A gift once bestowed. Cheated, that’s what I feel. Honor and pride now bereaved love for me so misconceived, Ripped from my inner depths, impeding, Mind, body and spirit, bleeding Now my inter-self crushed to sand, To fine to even be clutch by hand. I freeze within the fire. Daylight now lives at darkness. Transparent dreams over take my mind. She has no choice. She can’t get in the way. It’s not her place. She watches me helpless. She does have faith but her heart ache to watch. There’s a point where I’m laid out on the ground asking for help. Reaching out for a hand. Not knowing that she is my face, wanting to help me but cant. I call all names hoping someone will come to my rescue. Calls go un-answered. I’m over looked. She’s hurt. Hurt….. it breaks her spirits. Her eyes Gray they are, blinks.

A tear falls never hitting ground. A tear pure with no evil. Trapped in flight. She can’t apologize for what I’m going thru can’t help me. It’s a lesson to make me a better person. There are no “ I’m sorries” At a low point, alone. But she’s never too far from me. She walks when she can fly. But why? Why not soar, flutter, take flight? Just take strides, stroll? She feels no reason to use her wings when she couldn’t use them to shield me. Safeguard, protect me from the horrific corrupt moments my life/existence seem to hand me with welcoming forthcoming arms. She wants to give me her all, she wants to embrace me, organize and manage my life. She wishes she could keep away my lonelys and life’s troubles. But knows that if she did I would not grow & mature. Deep in, in this hole, prison. Holy Hell. Darkness are my walls. I shout, I scream. I know there’s no1 there. But it’s instinct. I want to Climb the walls of insanity, Ride the waves of despair but just can’t. She’s in the background watching a painful freedom in Sean’s solitary confinement . All of my joy, love happiness lock away. Out of my reach & contact. This cell with rules for me to adhere too. I wish I could hide my pain, carry on. A factory with an assembly line turning out shells 24/7 for eternity. These shells to be fill with hurt, harm, wounded happiness, sore wrecked hearts, ruined wishes, dispirited hope, a life with an “Out-of-Order” sign hanging. How can I forget your occasional rare blissful pleasures. So I do. I compress it. I shape it, I manipulate it into the only thing I know how. A tear. It runs but it fades out like a ghost in the shadows. Her’s do too. No longer existing. A Tear