Entrapment: lead

This is a tale of a heart split in half. Elbow on the desk, hands covering my eyes, steams of tears run down my forearms. 1 river per arm. Mississippi on the left, Nile on the right. Dam, Stuck…. No where to go. With tears in my eyes I come to you sincerely. Can’t run, there’s no where to hind. A headache who’s pain is numbed out by the pain from my heart. I gave every bite of what I had, it wasn’t pretty but it was all I had. Entrapped in a horror love story but it’s a true story. Life, Non-fiction. I can’t hind my feelings. I can’t break even. There can only be 1. No Mystery, No submission. Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common-sense. But right common sense has been lost. What’s a Man to do? What to do? I ask of u. I can’t lie. I saw it but I was blinded. The whole world saw it but me. I’ve come to my realization, I wanted it to be something but this is not what I planed. Cheat? It was an option but I chose another route. I want to keep my heart in both places, but I can’t. Not with this love of 2 different faces. Who do I walk out on? Who do I care for more? I can let none of u go. I’m loving 2 and I explain the truth. I was never playing games. Endless but not for long. I have love for u…. I do. But as of now I’m in 2 different places. My love is a Maze. I know I can’t love 2 forever. Doing this, saying this is like living in a world with no sound. Heartstrings Are Played upon. My tears washed all progress away. Who do I leave behind? Unable to complete the task at hand. Karma usually comes wearing a stranger’s light, but I can’t live in the dark forever. Nowhere to hide, no turning back, no rearrangement, its said, its done. Such strong emotion of complete care, and pure devotion put into everything. It seems to bring, just pain and fear, Along with shame, and then the tears. Slow tears. Heart vixen, like a pair of dice with a flick of my hand I roll snake eyes. Alcohol mixed with water cant tell the difference between my love for my love’s. Heartfelt cries, meadows, touched with dew. Beneath the thousand twinkling stars lies jagged scars Tree’s with a breeze a world with no oxygen. Gentle rain, silent pain, accompanied by heartfelt sighs, lost among the stars this night, too far to ease my quiet fright. Fate’s cruelest curse. Love is 3/4 dream and 1/4 reality. Problems usually arise when you fall in love with the dream and not the reality. But, yet you find true love when you fall in love with both. I feel at peace playing within fire, within water. Christmas in the summer, I love the 2 but they don’t live with one another. My heart, emotions hopelessly bound. My love Ripped at the seem. My heart empty/full torn apart with my mind invaded with thoughts, So cruel and so unrefined. The lust and fantasy leaving me empty. Wretched and compelled, Betrayal to myself Betrayal to u, Revealing the terrors of my love, my love for both. Wash my soul, cleanse me. I’m sorry Because I broke your heart. I should have listened to mine It said you’ll die apart. So puzzling and so complex, I’m left to await another clue. What was false, what was true? I can’t control your feelings; I can’t take back what I’ve done. Love has no expectations, I don’t expect you feel me, understand but my heart loves 2 faces, and I can’t keep it in both homes. Trip over love, you can get up. Fall in love and you fall forever. Entrapment, one forgives to the degree that one loves. You may wish to love-- you may even try with all your might--but your love will never be pure unless you are free from resentment. When we are free from resentment, loving is effortless. When we have to try hard to love, this is generally a sign that we are repressing our resentments. A Broken heart coming soon.

Emo........

When it rain, It floods. Water raise like the Moon. But What’s wrong? Why is she sitting on the floor, in the corner. Why is she in a bright room but in the darkest corner? Nyctophobia? Exodus 10:21 & Matthew 8:12 drawn on the walls with the paint running, still wet. Tell me the story. Answers my Whys. She does, with a picture. I read her colors and dark images. I now feel her pain. Some say it’s the self esteem. Some say it’s the missing of love. To me forever. She pours out to me like wine, like a watch this gets better with time. They watch and try to anticipate. Dark angels, Bright demons. Sometimes you have to going thru the pain to experience the joy. She was murdered with his love. This feeling Transformed from light to dusty grey, each sinew embroidered day by day. Dam this room got a lot gloomy and arctic quick. Leaching vows of eternal spring, Failed dreams on bloody skin. Her house of glass, A hostage wearing its deathly mask, so she tinted her widows. Tortured mind fragments its pain. Impervious once, now insane. You lucid dreams were wasted truth, love became the hanging noose. This stage should be forbidden in the human soul, for not even one can yearn for control. Control of the shadow side on the heart. Shadow of love. Aspersion painted across ardent irises, bleeding fallacies amongst the orchids, planted to pave her personal Eden. Facades of this amiss world, esoteric of acidic aromas arise, to awake liquid anarchy. Her Tears turn to rose petals, Rose petals into poems. A poem's just a poem, Till they say its a piece of art. Light a poem on fire, sad ones burn the best she tells me. I just wonder, but I wait and let her finish her tale. I’m a d-boy yea I’m a Dreamer, so I put myself in her shoes. A black beach with soy colored sand on Dooms day. Those screwed memory hunt me, made me regret, the demon really shows, my body shivers with disbelief staring into emotions wanting to escape. She caged hers in, in a hollow heart. My heart. Her words overtake me. In a dark room we sit at peace, the love which we knew, was ripped at the seem. As i swam those sweet thoughts. The dead do not suffer the living, so why should the living suffer the dead. Clearly I’m living so what doesn’t that mean?

A child lives within with a pair of scissors and cut off the wings of the butterflies. A soul growing but not fading & pain that’s not decaying. Owls Flying out of windows, Sadness Running thru the corridor. I Watch the shadows Emerging from the moonlight. Sins make our destiny. Everyone is a goon she tells me. Goons? Yea Goon, She laughs for she’s a ghoul. But Moons Don't Mope. Huh? The moon tells me a secret. My confidant. As full and bright as I am, this light is not my own. A million light reflections pass over me. The source is bright and endless. It resuscitates the hopeless without her (the moon) we are lifeless satellites drifting. She tells me her Supercilious Dream, that Once upon a time… On a hill not far away the sun was shining brightly on a magical young day. Smiles on the children, giggles in the air, bliss in the water. A love that all do share. The fields were full of laughter.. The hills were full of song. Kids die and bleed just a lil more. Screams unheard because of the high pitch scud missiles in flight. Because humans want to fight each other over oil. Gots to love the United States. Razor blade kiss, just another French kiss to the world. Dam She’s deep.

I understand now. I fall, heart first into the abyss. limited existence created by He who pulls the puppet strings, but I don’t like being caged so I fly free. The death of a hero, Godspeed my son please return safe the other birds sing to me. The sad truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be good or evil. The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.Black Bees with no cautious stripes, bee hives with oil not honey.Now I sit in the corner like an onion without layers. Burning despair and ice-cold darkness. Darkness jaws with which to devour love. Not all scars show, not all wounds heal Sometimes you can't always see the pain someone feels. Why do people tell you to believe in what you want to but then tell you not to believe in the one true thing you do believe in? My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night; But, ah, my foes, and, oh, my friends - it gives a lovely light. Do not assume that he who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life may also have much sadness and difficulty, which remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, he would never have been able to find these words. Emotional hardcore, EmoCore. Dam, obfuscation and obscure views now I see what she saw and the Whys. Specious, that false look of truth & genuineness. Emo, feeling your inner self.

Ice Queen Pt2

P.S.

She’s beautiful and extraordinary, vines put forth their tender grapes Because our future will be blessed with wonder that shall never end. This girl I seek out will be 1 with no other. Ill eat/Drank her just like A Honey Bun with Strawberry Milk. A girl who can make my childhood fairytales secretly come to life. A girl who can dip my emotions in holy water and save them. A girl who can built a castle around my heart. Every time I glance at her face or try to confide in her warmth she’ll let me, embrace, cuddled up feeling safe and dry the hate and anger. && Just tell me to pacify. She will dance away with me in the rain, drain away my fear and pain. A girl who’s Love, being pure-intentions being true, will slowly & slowly, her love for me will make me cross the fence.With her loving smile her hypnotic sent humble lips. Cursive cured body. Sweet coco-vanilla ice queen will give me mesmerizing ice for my long hot Florida summers. How she flew and how she landed in my heart will give tears to the eyes of viewers who watch the union of 2 on that special day. We’ll kiss,butt I’ll never want to say "Goodbye”so I wont, just a see u later because I will. Her words will just flow, swoon & spoon feed my inter self life come true fantasies. The sky twists and twirls around her finger, she will write in the clouds in heaven I love you, which resonate through every door. But she has the password and opens all the doors in my heart’s palace and swallows the key. Our TRUE LOVE will keep growing and merge Forever and more. When I sleep my heart is awake from the vice of love within we share. By day or night I seek her love my life mate, my partner, my friend. Her eyes speak without words. But I’ll always read her; she’ll be my favorite book. This girl that I want is not that. She’s not a girl at all, and no I’m not coming out of the closet. This girl will be a woman. God gave man a woman to adore And a woman a man to respect. God gave us children we love till death,To provide for, cherish and protect. Soon this day will come, and Us will become 1. I hope this letter finds its way in this glass bottle.Thanks for listening.


Sincerely, Pitcher of Creative Imaginations Spawn by Shawn opps i mean Sean

Ice Queen: Sweeter Than Honey Oaks So I Wear Her Love Like A Coat

Dear Catcher on my Dreams,

I notice from many nights and hours on time spent and now bankrupt. I understand and receive as much as I can from the situation. Ravishing light born, I will move on in my journey & I will pass thousand of streets but she’ll be my road of happiness, and tell me to stop! There’s no more need to pursue it. My standards of that special person I wait for it my life are pretty high, but she will be the bar. Now in my early Terrible 2’s, I slowly but surely will be entering that uncharted world of forever and ever. Love Sex and new life awaits me. From 2 we shall make sum. Some miniatures with names that will be stuck with them for life. As a soulmate and partner which will forever be 1, even when my days grow shorten by age and hairs become grey. I want her and extended my hand out into a hat filled with the world of names. LIKE A LILY AMONG THE THORNS But I’m not in a rush but I pick more wisely. Those old years teach u wisdom. Those Short relationships from my history. But this girl who I look for with a name I know not is going to be perfect in my eyes but riddle with bullets holes to others. Ex’s will wish to be her and on her level. She’ll let dem know that they mite want to buy a space shuttle or a ladder that’s forever. This girl I wish to meet soon will give me that other 180 to make us 360. She and I. Us together not ever acknowledge them or thoses. Hating will max out and become the norm. I want her to leave me clueless. Quiet ignorance of another kind, Blood and impact, a greenish blue, A brighter blue than I used to. Turn sad into happy. She’s cleaner then a virgin in detergent. We will just lay in the meadow and watch clouds together. Laugh at the images painted in the sky. That only we can see. Bite off the heads of animal cookies and drink a chilled glass of lemon aid. But at nite we'll Play connect the dots with stars and drink wine and talk about our outer this world love for each other, we call stars or mars an inside joke that will always provide a smile. Cosmic filled eyes my girl, her goodness shows, like an open flower. Sweet fragrance flowers spreading its pedals Makes me feel more alive then the first morning of spring. A girl who can brings life to a leafless garden. Hazel eyes, baby lotions soft skin. Flowing hair. A voice that sounds like an opening fanfare for angels as they gain there white dove like set of wings. She will shot dead black crows and the supplication dies down and makes my misery long forgotten, rotten, burn them to ashes. I want her to be my world, my eternity. She can Make me laugh by accident, Bring me out of my comfort zone and show me other new light to life. I may be a virgin to the world but I’m open minded.Fruitless Desire that’s bittersweet….kinda like when it rains with the sun out and no clouds in the sky.To be continue...



Sincerely, Pitcher of Creative Imaginations Spawn by Shawn opps i mean Sean

To be continue...

Sign

I sit here on lonely Ave and broken heart street. I fail on hard times. Not looking for spare change. Don’t need clothes. I’m a little bang up & thrashed but it’s only due to time. People gaze but don’t really see me. They see the sign but don’t interpret it. Day behind day I sit here and wait for a person to respond but my calls are the same as a phone that rings on silent. Years have passed and still nothing fresh or new. I ask this couple that passes by if they have any luck to spare. But I’m deliberately over looked. Well that was better than being spit on like last week. I’ve investigate my whole heart but I didn’t uncover any in there. But I’m truthfully on my last. Wish some1 would notice me. Excuse me miss, she smile and tells she can’t help me. I smile back because she brightens up the day for me. I tell her thanks. She turns and asks why? I answer, that was the best gift I’ve received in a long time. She had a bamboozled look on her face but she understood and told me she wished me the best. I smile and thanked her for her blessings. I then got a flash back of the day when I lost it. The very moment when I took it for granted, went too far. I dropped onto my knees, showed gratitude and cried in vein. I just want to feel it again. I know there’s no turning back, no rearrangement. That’s when I was changed. I’m letting go, waking up and living up to what I had proposed. But I learned from my mistakes. It’s not something you earned but something that you deserve. I’m not afraid to give what my soul expose just wish I could find the film. I had it before, it was everything I fantasizes and better than the preview. I reach out with every breath but the world places my soundtrack on mute. I still sit here on this corner with my sign, why does the world of people with 20/20 act so blind. I know 1 thing if I fall to the ground I will get back up and fight another round. I will promise to hold this sign to the sweet end. My Sign that says “I will work for love”. I will work for love over time, all my life. Can u help me? Can u see…. Did you read my sign?

Me

Dear Mother,

When it was time 2 create Sean Felix Rahmings(SFR), God went wild wit his imagination & blessed me wit many gifts. Any who…It’s hard to put me on paper but ill try & so far Webster hasn’t found a word 2 sum me up wit or describe me 2 the T. Just know I am high on da food chain. Born the 27th day of the month December N the year of 1987 A.C. the World was forever changed. Many don’t know that our blood aint the same. But she did all the work in life. I love her like a son should love it's mother. The other….well’ she just that well, "E.T. in my world/life" only to give me a bad history for me to tell another about my brothers. Sad but that’s what I have to tell in a paragraph in the book of Sean Felix Rahmings biography. I grew up spoiled and not afraid to say it. I had sisters that would protect me from beatins in the hallway. I love theses memories from my passed and smile when I think about it. The day when life was simple and not filled with worries.
My mother raised me and I would love to have a girl like her with my ring on her finger. You gave me so much and I didn’t realize until I got out of the nest. I didn’t understand until now in my life. I thank every memory that I have from you. I love you and always will. Im thankful for everything u gave me. I never knew how good I had until it was gone. Many days good were I wished I could good back. I will miss you, and always will if that day come when u are callin to go live with happy place angels in a better without people be killed on the street in Miami. This day came really close with the whole cancer that. Yea that hitted me real hard. I lived thinkin that u will always be there. God really open my eyes. The moments when I took you granted I thought I knew everything about life and not know shit. It really came back and bite me in the ass. I never ever saw u able to die. I love you.
I never want you to leave me. I don’t want become lost in my life. You only get 1 and that’s it. I never wat to see zero’s. I need my queen to be in my life. I want everything to come true. Like when you told me that u will be there to see my First children, Me get married, Me ask her to marry me, The day I get my diploma from florida a & m. how you always will be there. I want u too. I know that in life that people don’t just stay the same age other and other and everyday. I see it when I look in the mirror. How my body is changing around me making me into a man. I hope u see these days when it will be at my happiness and blissful moments. Cause I now see the darkest moment in my life and prepare me the others that will follow.
With every up comes an equal down. Nothing in life in free. I remember everything u said and tell me. all your wisdom. Thanks for the pass-age. If not one even me believe in myself u was always on my side. I love for all of this. I appreciate everything thing ill learned. From both good and bad. I want you to always know that know body will take the love that I share with u but 1 hopefully will get close. But I love you and always will. Thanks for everything. You did have to deal with me. and my eyes are not always goin to open in the morning. Just want you to know where I stand. This 20 yr ole version of your baby. like you told me how I will always be your baby boy, that I feel with I say you will always be my momma. I love you, Sean

Reset

Rest -

There was a race. Out of 700 Billion I won. I swam thru that dark tunnel the fastest. I was the strongest out of the rest. I make it to the egg and now I stand before you. That was my first struggle and test. From that moment my life began. Test after Test. Lesson after Lesson. I passed so far & up until now. When I didn’t get it right away I was given another chance. So what if. The question a lot of people hate to be asked. But really What if or more like ever wonder when will u run out of these “1 more chances” Shouldn’t u run out of these last chances? So when is that Last chance? So here’s the question. One chance, what if this is your last chance. God is giving u this last chance at the moment. What are you going to do with it? Last 24 hrs to live….what are you going to do? How are you going to think? What changes would you try to make. Why not make them now? Treat every day as if it was your last chance. I have a role to play out and until I reach the end I shall continue to act out my part. I didn’t have to wake up this morning. Last night when I was on face book, that could have been my last moment but I woke up so I guess there is still work left for me. Work undone. I’m asking for directions to the house but I don’t know where I am right now, so how can you help me find my way? Self deception. I can’t keep lying to myself. How can god help me find my way when I can’t tell him where I am? I’m human and I have sinned. Gotta make some changes. Gotta do it before it’s too late. So this is where I hit that reset button and try to make everything right. I’m right handed anyway so it only makes sense. I know I’m not the only one with issues …. I may have magazines but I try to make the best of everything. So I end with this….. Nothing is promised only this moment.